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Alive And Well...

2005-02-06T17:59:00.000+08:00

Contrary to popular belief, i m actually alive and well, though i have lost a bit of blood and most of my hair. Pls dun lose hope, its jus that i havent been able to get a regular access to the internet, or i have simply been feeling that using the computer does not really merit too much of my time. Remember, my camp is on the other side of where i hail from...

To Getaway...

2004-11-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

I am planning a romance,
Drawn from fiction, its unreal inspiration.
And i hope you'll join me.
We'll drive up through the woods,
And sing lullabies that
Hopefully will put the birds to sleep,
So they won't peep,
In our privacy and shelter,
A swim through warm water,
A Kodak moment,
Framed by hundred years of primeval forests.
The older Sun gleams
And strikes the water.
Parts it like the Red Sea of old,
And make a way for the delights
Of our laughter.
And i hope they echo,
For as long as the trees will stand,
And furthermore...

Wishlist...

2004-11-12T13:17:00.000+08:00

The Chrisrtmas holidays are nigh, and my heart sings with the anticipation of good things to come... peace and goodwill to all man (woman included), loads of presents for me... check out my wishlist below, click on the links to get a pic and dun forget to ACTUALLY buy it and drop it down my chimney... bloody greedy, huh?

No More Maintenance...

2004-11-12T13:14:00.000+08:00

U see, I couldn't afford to pay the workers, so they shook their fanny and bade my sorry face goodbye... The good news is that I AM BACk! and the bad being my blog will look like crap for a long time to come...

Under Maintenance

2004-11-03T11:04:00.000+08:00

to my dear readers... this site will be under maintenace the whole of this month, being November... this is to ensure that the new and improved source of inspiration will be able to serve your desperate, starved, deprived minds better... actually, i just need to study for my 'a' levels exams...

The Worth Of Physical Love

2004-10-29T09:32:00.000+08:00

what is the greatest physical gift you can give in the name of love? no prizes for getting this right... it's your virginity, maidenhood, innocence, whatever else u wanna call it. wait a minute, what is the changster doin dwelling upon such *sacred* grounds? well, yesterday i was doin a bit of reading and reflection, and i was appalled at how what was once considered a sacred manifestation of love, which is sex, has been defiled and bastardised to no ends. why not? after all, everyone is shagging the living socks off everyone else so why don't we all jump in the bandwagon, to be received by a welcoming committee of people willing to get your socks off you?

i just feel sorry for those who lost this exclusive treasure to a moment of uncontrolled folly and passion, only to regret later on that they will never be able to bestow this great gift upon the person that they truly love. i mean, even if you are not religious, you gotta acknowledge the power of this truth. Losing your virginity is like blowing up the Eiffel tower (which by the way, is said to symbolise the male phallus). Once it is destroyed, there can never be any more like it. U see, i m on a mission to denounce pre-marital sex, not because i have suddenly become a moralist or a robed saint but it's that love has never had such a presence in my life till now that i just naturally begin to consider the related issues, oops... and yes, i m an old-world idealist who believes in the value and meaning of the word 'love'. it's just hard to find ppl who share the same definition of love as i do... for those who do, God bless your soul...

i guess the reason why ppl have generally shifted their perspective on the issue of sex is due to one word: disappointment. it seems like ppl would believe that since they have been disappointed in love before, they will never find the true version of it again. thus, they choose to ignore the what their present actions might mean in the future and enter sexual liaisons without really considering the implications. maybe it's not really their fault in that fate did deal them a bad hand, and that is why i chose to write this in the hopes that those who did experience a great loss before will not throw in the towel and choose a path that they otherwise would have started on.

the pure maiden is shedding golden tears by the river of darkness... and i m a lonely voice against the tide of promiscuity and careless actions...

well, if there be some among my faithful fanbase that belong to 'that' group, please do not stop reading my blog in the fear that i will offend you again. anyway, there is a nice tagboard by the side where you can sling mud at me and call me nasty names but whatever it is, i m really not trying to impose my opinions upon anyone. i m just trying to find some peace of mind, and regretfully, this is how the changster gets it done.

*oh boy, i can already see the kind of controversy this is gonna stir (licks palms in anticipation, slurp, slurp...)*

Life In All Her Quirkiness

2004-10-24T19:08:00.000+08:00

The above is not the first time I have said it, and it certainly won't be the last. Life is simply unpredictable, like who would have thought lost love can be recovered. You may call life erratic, but I choose to describe it in a manner more positive, so I say it is quirky. About as quirky as she who pulls my heart-strings, and for the moment, I am contented.

the military

2004-10-21T13:28:00.000+08:00

i swear i wanted to feature a scene from a mental hospital but then something unexpected popped up. u see, i checked my mailbox (the snail-infested one), and found in it a letter that my other friends have received but i haven't. it was my enlistment letter, the flimsy piece of document that states my fate for the next two years.

i m gonna be a commando. yup, thats right, u heard correct. i find it extremely hard to believe it, believe me. i'll tell u how i feel. i feel excited, but at the same time a bit apprehensive. two years of meaningful service, but also two years of intense military training. i'll probably learn more skills that i can apply to life in the army than i have ever my whole life, but i know it'll be the time that i lose a lot too: my boyhood, whatever shreds of innocence that remain. i am scared that i will see the world differently, that my life will undergo so dramatic a change that i can't cope. i m scared that the distance from the past will become too hard to bear. basically, i am just scared stiff.

maybe the mental hospital scene will have to wait. there's no time for insanity right now. i have to gather myself and move ahead.

'A' levels

2004-10-15T10:19:00.000+08:00

... are but not too far away and look at me, behaving as though i still have the rest of my life to do exams. i m officially in trouble. 2 weeks ago, it was unofficial, now it's official. damn...

Like So Much Clockwork

2004-10-12T17:03:00.000+08:00

There beats time inside us all,
transcending the biological,
shaming the irregular.
Military precision and constant revision,
we feel a need to leave our own

Bodies, trapped upon checkered squares,
cautious advance two steps into the future,
the king, the bishop, the knights, us soldiers
fighting an intense war of full resistance,
while our masters with their full-sized palms,
call for rallies and wrongful invasions,
with so much blood, with so much gore...

...And it's our own, we spilled and kicked the bucket.
If it's made of steel it'll make an awful sound,
much like the ringing,
as the loaded spring is unwound.
We teeter-totter at the edge,
with our eyes full of resigned debate.
It's like our very fate is sealed,
as we struggle to break that very seal.
Like futile attempts at expressing emotions,
like futile attempts at maintaining devotion.

If our mechanism was to chatter one last time,
we would lay dead, no one to our aid.
I guess that ignorance really is bliss,
the kiss of innocence still planted,
but then I choose to punch you on the nose,
hoping to wake you,
And alert you to our monotonous footsteps,
like so much clockwork.

Garage Sale

2004-10-07T10:22:00.000+08:00

Be having a garage sale this weekend. If u want some old clothes, dusty lamps or broken spectacles, pls email me. very reasonable pricing. i m also selling a chainsaw for $2 and a can for nails for 20 cents. Alternatively, you can say i m jus blabbering nonsense...

Under A Blanket Of Innocence

2004-10-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

The stars are out in their naked glory, like pale babies at the point of birth. And when they squealed in cold, the night sky scattered and covered their fragile frames with a soft, woolly blanket, and us in the slow of the humid night, discovering that it was well worth the effort and the years of mind-sapping solitude to reach the sacred ground that we are treading upon now.

We spread the groundsheet upon the grassy land, and sat. We said nothing but little words lost in the magnitude of the fact staring straight at us in the face. To not enter the realm of defilement meritted us a pilgrimage here, and we are shrouded by clouds of comfort, and we are secured in the knowledge that we will spend a long time here, working with the most basic of tools to build us a rocket that will deliver us midst the stars. It will be long going, but I am sure we will ultimately make it.

The stars awake, and prepare to take their maiden flight to a different universe, and we will be there to join them before long...

Cassius

2004-10-01T15:28:00.000+08:00

Cassius stood at the junction
of his traffic lights,
and squinted into the distance,
where an accident just occurred.
Towards the scene he travelled,
on his trusty foot.
He asked if anyone's called the cops,
and was pleased to hear someone did.
It was when he saw the bodies,
when he felt his stomach flip.
"Holy Mackerels" was his absurd reaction,
As one of the dead gave a cunning wink.
The other gave him the finger,
adorned with an amethyst ring.
Like all little boys would, he screamed
in fear.
His eyes filled up with terror,
his pants got wet (oh dear).
He sniffed and frowned,
gave 'Winky' a good kick,
right on the bum.
Outraged, those around grabbed his
flailling arms,
tried to stop him causing more harm.
But he struggled with absent rage,
tearing from those who disagreed,
Ran right into the busy street,
when a bike bowled him over,
flipping into a leaf-lined drain.
His body laid cold,
his tears also.
That was when the man with the ring
gave him a ring and said:
"Me coming for you..."

Judge, Jury, Executioner (a.k.a. the impotent tools of Justice)

2004-10-01T13:31:00.000+08:00

Who's to judge me for the person i m but God? Do u pay rent to take up residence in my head and heart? If so, the rent is long overdued. What do u say to spiteful people who disregard others' lives? I shouldn't be standing in the docks, my hand on the Bible to tell the truth. They should, they will. If u really know me that well, reveal yourself and destroy my reputation in your powerless court of law. If not, limp away a bleeding serpent. I'll send for the vets, and ensure that they hold in their hands the potent force that will snuff ur life and the value of ur words out.

Eveningtimes

2004-09-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

It's evening and the Earth spins
slower than usual, when the day ends.
It's when the shadows come out to play,
stumbling 'cross chubby hills and meandering streams.
And I sit in the fields a silent observer,
shaded in grey twilight.

A glint of metal caught my heavy eyes,
a bright distraction, an obvious call.
A call for attention, a silent screech,
pierces my vision,
with warm, orange streaks.

I walk towards the river of earthly ills,
and launched the shining
into her groping paws,
and walk away, appeased.

It's evening and the Earth spins,
slower than usual, when my heart rants
and raves at the fact
that I'm resting here, slothful,
my limbs resigned,
my future designed.

When I finally stand on my feet,
summer is but a foreign dream.
I'm a bewildered tourist on vacation.
When it's time to go home,
I dropped my camera,
and ran into the arms of the waiting trees,
the rustling of their leaves a comforting sound.
The source of their lives found below ground.
I joined them, so I took roots,
With nowhere else to go,
from now on...

Joke #1

2004-09-28T10:15:00.000+08:00

I am living my days away from you.
From any bits and bobs that might fuel
A complete resurgence of memories.
They keep grating on my consiousness
And I feel a need
To push them away, keep them at bay.
So I fill my days with worthless nothings.
At least they help to take my mind
Away from what once meant a lot.
But with time I will meltdown, fallout,
As only what's filled to the brim can.
And I'll question with bitterness,
Why I even tried so hard,
To maintain something that was never there.
I believe I am breathing poisoned air,
While I'm called as an heir to the throne of despair.
But I can only be a weak ruler,
Soon overthrown by happier elements.
That is when I'll fade into obscurity,
The only place to live the best days of my life, I think,
In the emptiest of haze,
Formed by the burning of hopes,
The death of heretics at the stake.

disturbing behaviour

2004-09-26T13:11:00.000+08:00

like the master, the blog is behaving rather strangely...

New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday

2004-09-21T08:49:00.000+08:00

"We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters or forget it all together
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about

When all that we need is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction
I want to remember but I know that I can't go back

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

It Blew Up On Me...

2004-09-20T08:51:00.000+08:00

I realised that everytime I step into the kitchen to create something hauntingly beautiful, the kitchen catches fire. Not too long ago, I tried again. This time, it blew up on me. Naturally I was sent to the hospital for intensive care and accelerated recovery, but then there wasn't much to recover, just empty holes waiting to be filled. I guess I never did learned my lesson that fire is, beyond a doubt, a good servant, submissive, fulfilling your desires. But when it relinquishes its role as a lesser entity and takes on the omnipotent position of a master, it destroys, and mind you, it does so in a magnificent and spectacular fashion.

I am still lying on the bed, burnt... smelling like a cooked piece of lamb

Rights, Lefts And Wrongs...

2004-09-18T09:20:00.000+08:00

If I chose to walk the left fork
And left you behind,
Then I'd rather be wrong,
And embark upon the right path.

It is within our rights
To love, I guess.
We left loneliness behind,
And entered a wrongful liaison.

If we once did wronged Fate,
And left each other behind,
Then let us be caught forever,
Torn apart, broken.
Coldness that once seemed right,
The little passion that is left.

I'm utterly confused
Spiralling in circles.
Breaking the cycle.
Please escape me, Lone Ranger.
Thou my wrongful lover,
For far too long.

When I Was Three

2004-09-18T08:51:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking that life's a joke,
And that it's a nightmare
Of a three year-old.
I apologise for being silly,
Tossing diamonds into drains.
They reflect the light and hurt my eyes.
But I am already marred,
Scarred by knowledge that cut deep.
And I only want to dream like a three year-old again.
Seeing perfection in all when awake.
Dreaming the way kids do, when I go to bed.
Flying a plane,
Driving a tank,
Clinging on to my mother's hands.
But I'm eighteen,
On the nether side of the moving screen,
Which I struggle to keep up with.
I guess I still plodder about
Like a three year-old.
Lost, confused, inept.

Hail To The Thief

2004-09-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

Whoever stole the title of my blog, thanks for returning it. You are such a darling. You have a conscience. It will serve you well, believe me. Anyway, I don't blame you. We all need to go against the establishment sometimes...

My Dream

2004-09-13T13:03:00.000+08:00

This time i went too far.I hurt her. I said goodbye. I dug the grave. Now, its me i blame. I realised today how much she means to me. I realised today that she is everything i ever wanted or needed, everything i have waited for. But in moment of ridiculous stupidity, i lost her. Now i blame myself.

It would be nice if there were no regrets or hard feelings. It would be even nicer if all these regrets and negative emotions can be turned into the love we once shared. But then i examine the pages of History, and with a sinking feeling, i discovered that such is extremely rare. In fact, they happen only in tinseltown and the golden sreen.

I do not know where she will find the strength to love the one who has let her down time and time again. I do not know where she will find the courage to face the risk of being hurt again. I do not know how she could have ever loved one so weak and foolish. A miracle would not be enough to save me. I used to laugh at these things. Now, i realised how moronic i have been.

But there is hope, though i dare not stare it straight in the face, for i m simply too underserving. There is the hope that somehow, she will forgive me. That somehow, she will learn to love me again. A little hope. I pray i m not deluding myself, as i have so often in the past. But a little hope is better than none. It is with this hope that i will move on. It is with this hope that i will live on. Maybe someday i will love again.

To love her again, as i always had, and always will. I dare to hope. Aristotle said that hope is a waking dream. This is my dream.

-A Little Walk Through Sunnydale

The sharp light bounced off the window sill,
And fell upon my bleary eyes.
A cough, then the walk to the mirror,
I stare at myself in disbelief,
Unkempt, dishevelled, destroyed.

I squinted in the doorway, in the morning light.
The world seems beautiful today,
Clearer than most other days, fresher.
Walked myself down a dirt path,
To wherever it will lead me,
Wherever it will feed me.

Puddles formed by yesterday's rain
Hold yesterday's memories,
Like trapped spirits and mournful nymphs.
Most days I steer around them.
Today I made sure I stepped into everyone,
And got my feet wet.

I approached the crossroads,
Kicked up some more dirt.
Well, obviously I had to choose.
And i did, I cut diagonally,
Into 'em rows and rows of cornfields,
And got myself lost,
All for a good cause.

It was there I realised I need you.

An Ode To The Failed

2004-09-11T19:23:00.000+08:00

today i walked amidst the pouring rain
i was cleansed and made pure again
baptism of fire or baptism of water
makes no difference, no big difference

i might as well have walked through purging flames
i might as well as felt eternal pain
when every droplet holds a precious vision
and every tear a broken memory
for me to recall, for me to stop

i hand it to u, for u are right
i can only blame myself
for i brought it upon me upon myself
i broke the vows and gave up the ghost
like a conjuror in the middle
of a scorching desert, making rain
for it was a rite of necessity
please don't blame me
i needed to drink, to live

if it makes you feel better
i hurt more than you do
once bitten twice shy
and twice bitten thrice i died
along with me my hopes and wishes
lost chances you failed to seize upon
i gave you everything

if it makes you feel better
i truly loved you once upon a rhyme
or rhythm that my heart composed
a song of courtship reserved for you
now it wails and screams in
senseless chorus
and it bleeds where salt is applied
keeping it fresh until you return

i don't dare hope for your love again
for i am an unworthy
but if you ever hear God speak
i hope you remember me
i hope you remember me
and all i stood for
i wont be too far off i guess
just resting on the dark side of the Sun
till you return, until you return

Oh Well...

2004-09-09T11:13:00.000+08:00

I am sitting here, typing this sad appeal. Whoever stole the beautiful title of my blog from under my nose please be a sweetheart and return it. I really cannot afford to lose any more things, for most of my already meagre possessions are either gone or wrecked. Every little scrap and morsel of whatever I can call my own count.

Maybe no one stole it. Maybe I just lost it. Wait a minute, I cannot possily lose it, for I never found it. Oh well...

I Will Share A Song

2004-09-08T10:45:00.000+08:00

this is a beautiful, haunting atmospheric track u must listen to if u even consider yourself a fan of indie rock (not that many of u are). it's something called "transatlanticism" by Death Cab For Cutie. I am not promoting illegal downloads but it's ok to break the law once in a while. Here goes:

the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up and let it out.

i was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no.

those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
i thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh no.

i need you so much closer (x8)

-instrumental break -

i need you so much closer (x4)
so come on, come on (x4)

Conclusion

2004-09-04T15:04:00.000+08:00

At the conclusion, we draw conclusions...

1. People need to be loved when they least deserve it, it's when they need it the most - Swedish proverb

2. If you think a relationship will fail, it will. If you think the sky will fall on your head, it will - Sun Tzu's Art of "How To Get Urself The Sky And Come Back Down Alive.

3. Grief lasts for a moment, but regrets remain stuck up your ass... PAIN PAIN PAIN - Marilyn "Gimme The Pain" Manson

4. Rob a bank, u will feely a lot better - Alcatraz

5. Sniff your own poop - Satchel, from "Get Fuzzy"

6. Fail your 'A' levels, then proclaim that 'A' stands for 'adverse', where u at right now.

7. Get yourself a Dashboard Confessional album and grieve along with Chris Carraba. He DA man.

8. Empty ur tissue paper box, then tell mum that u had a really bad cold when the fact is that you stuffed half the box down the throat of ur neighbour's dog when in fact u have been hydrating ur face like a bloody loser the entire night.

21 days

2004-09-03T11:32:00.000+08:00

3 weeks or 3 lifetimes
Won't make a difference.
True love destroys fleeting moments,
Conquers eternity.
But fear of abject disappointment,
Has driven me to this world below.
Cast far from your angelic being,
I scream and struggle in pain.
I am caught, drenched in soaking rain.
Coolness, with time, turns to cold.
Mouldy bread gone stale and old.
It's discarded, dies a lonely death.
I'm running, out of time, out of breath.
I miss you.

"Love me when i least deserve it,for it's when i really need it"
-Swedish proverb

Scoop...

2004-09-02T11:44:00.000+08:00

today i went to the point of no return and come back alive.

A Letter Of Apology

2004-08-19T10:32:00.000+08:00

This is to the dear souls who are regular viewers of my humble blog. I know that I am not prompt in posting new stuff to satiate your hungry souls. But the thing is that I always try to ensure that that delectable delights are served whenever I do. Yeah, I guess absence makes the heart, or in this case, the stomach fonder. Believe me, I am quite capable of serving up some very sumptuous dishes that will warm the cockles of your heart and envelope your tummy in the most delightful warmth imaginable...

DreamStalkers

2004-08-19T10:26:00.000+08:00

Tonight my dreams they rise
From their graves of age and decay.
Tonight my dreams they call
From the depths of endless gloom.

Who knows what a graze of her hands can do?
The fluttering of hearts, the disruption of rhythm.
And still they flutter like wings,
Fly away on the soft wings of Love.

For rust must be shaken off, rot too.
When the hulking figures call your name,
You simply have to drop what you do.
And respond to the sweetness of their hesitant summons.
And be wrapped in the clouds of fantasy.

Apt enough. Go figure.

A Bit Of The Wall Falls

2004-08-14T11:16:00.000+08:00

Ever noticed that my blog does not give you the ability to post your comment? That was really a pre-meditated attempt to shield my rather fragile feelings, but now that i have discovered a tougher, more compact form of protection, you may now whip out your whimpy little weapons of destruction and shoot away. But be sure to include ur email add and your blog address if u have one so i can do a bit of damage too... We all need air vents to vent our airs...

Humbug

2004-08-12T09:55:00.000+08:00

Do you know what a humbug is? I know, it sounds like an insect but it is far from that. It is an old English term for boiled sweets, much like those that we have in little wrappers and pop in our mouths. Even as I am sucking on a Fisherman Friend Mandarin and Ginger Lozenge, letting the tangy (sweet and spicy) flavour roll about my tongue, I think how the children in Enid Blyton's stories must have felt, happy and without a care in the world. I also think of the humbugs in their mouths, how it diminishes with the passing of time, how soon it is no more but a distant memory...

Spasms Of Cosmic Proportions

2004-08-09T12:23:00.000+08:00

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUgagagagaga. blahblahblahblahblah. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzz. Gallopgallopgallopgallopgallop......Boinkbiffbangbongdingdong... the donkeys' are out to sing a song -------- HeeHawHeeHawHeeHaw they go off the cliff in line they go................ AhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHH! splattered donkeys at the bottom, collected to be boiled for glue. Take a little whiff n wat do u noe? maybe they'll help u cure the flu..................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh CHooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

sometimes u just gotta do stuff like this

The Greatest Liar And Redemption

2004-08-09T12:00:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow promised me a better day,
But he lied, he's adept at that.
Cheating my soul, exhibits my foolishness,
And blinding my eyes with wool that's cold

I don't ever speak to him this days,
But one from billions is no great loss (LIE)
He survives on the brightest optimism,
And dies at the slightest scorn.

My hopes are invested in someone else,
Reaping more returns, keeping joy close.
Not too far from my troubled mind,
With a little something to call my own.

But Love and Hopes flicker like all else,
Something should be done, lest they die.
But for the moment I'll hold you close,
And whisper sweet nothings into your troubled mind.

Believe me, the basket's big enough,
To keep all them eggs.
But if by some folly, the basket falls,
Then I guess it's worth it that they all break.

Commitment is a virtue. Man's desires may be plolygamous, but his resolve can be a sharp razor.

Help Brain Tumor Patients...

2004-08-06T18:12:00.000+08:00

The mind is pretty amazing but it is also the chief source of discontent and i feel like a wasted idiot now that i have written a post i cannot remove i know what will help a bit of inspiration curse myself if my mind ever conjure hurtful things and scar people i care for

especially my love i must not ever hurt u if i do tell me and i will ask for forgiveness and bash my silly brain

"No" To Alternative Sources...

2004-08-06T13:55:00.000+08:00

I had the pleasure of attending a conference, whose honourary speaker was the chairman of Toyota's R and D department. He was speaking primarily on 2 issues. Firstly, the ever rising world price of oil and the need to discover alternative sources of energy in order to combat this.
"Here at Toyota, we design and create the world's most fuel- efficient vehicles," was his gleeful opening statement. "Unfortunately, even fuel-efficient vehicles require fuel. Look at it this way, fuel is to cars what care and concern are to relationships. In a way, you can call both 'inspiration', if you adopt a loosely defined version of the word."

I smiled at a little at what he said. Toyota is one of the most sucessful corporations in Asia, posting huge earnings year after year. And for such a sucessful company, you would expect that its head would be pretty brilliant and well-tuned to the needs and demands of his customers. And although I don't own a Toyota, his analogy about relationships resonated in my head. As he droned on and on about the importance of developing alternative sources of energy, my mind started to drift away...

An apt song by "Dashboard Confessional" began to play in my mind. It goes: I wanna give you, whatever you need/ What is it you need, is it what I need/ I wanna give you, whatever you need/ What is it you need, is it within me/ It's hard to explain how I am getting by on so little from you/ It's hard to believe that I would let myself get so wrapped into you/ There's gotta be something, that would be worthwhile for me to give to you/ We need a connection, but you seem to push me far away from you/...

I guess I am a fuel-efficient car. And I know that my half-empty tank will soon become empty unless I am driven to the gas station and given a good refill. Then, I would beam with a beautiful smile. But for the moment, I am left wondering if "Dashboard Confessional" were singing a Love song to a bloody barrel of oil...

The Answer

RumBLingS... ... ... ... ...

2004-08-05T10:48:00.000+08:00

The ground beneath my feet rumbles,
Speaking, of impending arrival.
Shaken off my feet, I lie,
On the ground, I watch,
The slow approaching of a distant train,
My face, wet, from the falling rain.
My heart, it now, palpitates,
Sending elation up my light head.

I sleep, awake, inside the train,
Runs on rusty rails, past broken fences.
And your face ebbs into my consiousness.
Coffee is served, to the last drop I drink,
And never felt this alive, I think.
Gratefully, I kiss your tender hand,
And am reminded of my rebirth,
And the fact that I'll never leave this train of Love.

This is for u, Karen

I Would Buy Sony's Boss A Drink...

2004-07-24T10:32:00.000+08:00

being a self-confessed audiophile basically mean striving to pump the best sounds into my ears creating a zen-like experience that many would kill to attain and many others not knowing about ignoramus... in order to fulfill this desire i rely on sony's NUDE-ex earphones that blessedly cancel external noise by 20-40% which is a godsend considering the insensible grating conversation that surrounds you on board bus service 174 every morning problem being i sold it... damn... when an audiophile sells his most potent piece of equipment arises 3 implications 1) the potency turns to latency 2) wanting to upgrade weapon 3) a semi-dead audiophile... since i am still potent (excuse the pun and the french), as well as pretty much alive (though barely pretty much alive), u can conclude that i will be upgrading. to what? no prizes for the right answer... yes yes i will get another sony NUDE-ex except it be the more advanced [and consequentially more EXpensive (once again excuse the pun... and no french) ] version with a improved bassline and cooler looks wait and see...

F*ck it...

2004-07-24T10:29:00.000+08:00

being an audiophile is hard...

Freewheeling

2004-07-09T12:04:00.000+08:00

One
by One
The Strings doth fray
Only to
Break

And fall away...

Frizzled ends, they howled for help,
'Oh begone, you ungrateful whelp!'
Through the rigid air it spins,
Freewheeling agenda to seize.
Getting used to intolerable
Anguish...
Despair, broken spirit and grief

Dreads the end of its wayward flight,
The ground below dull in the light.
Touches down where few dare venture,
The beginning of a new adventure.
Never to experience order again,
Only to let Anarchy reign.
And through its life and fickle flame,
Contend with endless, hopeless pain.

Tranquility

2004-06-29T18:27:00.000+08:00

Immersed in my world of music. A haunting tune, a heart-gripping bassline and pacey drumbeats pound in my tired mind. Grey soot choking my breath, as the afternoon sun persists in its unforgiving affliction. A neverending stream of vehicles, large and small, flit past me on the road i am staring at, all a kind of warped boomboxes, heading towards a DESTINATION.
Unpleasent moments like this always make me squirm in displeasure and discomfort, makes me wish for some sort of revival. How I yearn for the soothing therapy of quiet and calm! Somewhere that is dark and silent with a constant gentle breeze that caresses and cure. And most important of all, someone to dwell in. Someone who is intertwined with the moment, brimming with dark passion. Salvation. Been in my little nook for far too long.

The Writer's Block

2004-06-26T16:20:00.000+08:00

A cube, without a doubt. Nothing else. Nothing more stubbornly stable than an object radiating equality (L=B=H). At the moment, nothing seems fair. What is there to expect? After all, a cube is not a red, rolling, bouncing ball.
No bigger than my fingers, them who grip your pen during an exam or now, a hammer and a chisel, after an extensive rummage throgh my tool box. Trying my damndest to obliterate the eyesore. Hear that? That's the monotony of destruction. 'Thud...thud...thud', a mere 10 cm in height, it seems colossal at the moment... can't see over it.
'Goo, goo, ga!' Good lordy hordy! Where the hell did that come from? A chubby little hand grabbed the block, adding it to the now finished creation. Voila! A bridge! A brilliant display of engineering genius! Let's see what's on both sides (in case you have yet to figure out, a bridge joins two places, physical or otherwise). On one, grass grows greener than the greenest pastures. On the other, a withered lanscape of cracked ground, on which stands a bewildered-looking man holding a hammer and a chisel. Was he trying to destroy that bridge? What an absolute fool! Wait a minute, maybe he was just trying to repair it...
A grunt, an ancient hand lined with age reached for the block. He unsrews it. In goes the tip of the felt-tip pen. Continues to work on an equally ancient manuscript, with a little help from the flickering flame of the candle. The hand accidentally knocked the block over... nothing spilled out.

Damn Banner...

2004-06-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

today i examine my blog and other than the stupid banner on top i like what i saw if u have any tips on getting rid of the cursed thing please tell me please dont tell me to switch to tblog i know they provide bannerless blogs but their login page is too psychedelically coloured to suggest that a bunch of faggoty do-da-daes created it

this is a computer generated document no signiture is required

signiture

Paradise Of Flesh (Excuse The Pun)

2004-06-22T17:07:00.000+08:00

A bustling street. On that street crawls a crowded bus. On that bus the passengers jostle for space relentlessly. Time is stretched, it seems. Life is not transient. No, not now.

Threescore years and ten we exist. If it be the will of the Almighty, fourscore. Accumulation of years means accumulation of sorrows. Sorrow that lies in the glistening eyes of she who lost her begottenin a flash of blinding light. A flash that spoke of a million injustices. Life. Transience.

The aftermath of the tragedy was a nasty affair. Scavengers picking through the rubble, finding pieces of dubious value. Grieving ones at the periphery, not willing to advance any closer, as though the spirits of the lost had formed a barrier, protesting their innocence. Media hounds sniffing about, begging for inspiration to descend upon their muzzles, grant them a magnificent story. It cannot be a shocking revelation, for it now breeds contempt...

Proximity

2004-06-22T17:06:00.000+08:00

Generate the scent
Of tangerine and rose
Graze my shoulder as you walk by close
When my heart missed its rhythm
Frantic disruption of my system

Twelve months elasped, since that fateful day
From my thoughts i banish you not
That i may dwell in the fantasies...

...I wrought...

...A wooden cage for myself
Splinters pierce my skin
My captors my flesh doth slain
Shaken, broken, bleeding thin

As i shiver in my little world
Memories i can't help but unfurl
And think of how close i was,
Yet so far, so far away
And the ghosts they haunt me,
It's in this prison i'll stay
That's where i'll find respite
From this Life
So full... of spite

Train Stations (The Last One)

2004-06-22T17:05:00.000+08:00

The old, rickety train chugged along,
On miles upon miles of endless storms.
Through place it took me far,
Past virgin hills and broken trees.

Grind to a halt, this archaic system
Look out the window, people start
Boarding, people departing.
'Midway', read the ancient sign
Mr Fiddler wishing me goodbye.

Different faces i see each day,
Different places passed away.
Moving forward, never to look back,
Do ensure your luggage is packed.

Step off the train at the very end
Of my journies, my travels,
None that i planned.
Then i saw his radiant face
He advanced, caught me in embrace
'I've been waiting for you' He said
'Me too, yeah, me too' i'm dead.

Welcome Thee, Fellow Minions...

2004-06-22T11:02:00.000+08:00

welcome to paradise take your pick from an exclusive range of local delights sure to tickle your tastebuds and leave you all warm and fuzzy inside companionship just got a whole lot sweeter...