My Dream

This time i went too far.I hurt her. I said goodbye. I dug the grave. Now, its me i blame. I realised today how much she means to me. I realised today that she is everything i ever wanted or needed, everything i have waited for. But in moment of ridiculous stupidity, i lost her. Now i blame myself.

It would be nice if there were no regrets or hard feelings. It would be even nicer if all these regrets and negative emotions can be turned into the love we once shared. But then i examine the pages of History, and with a sinking feeling, i discovered that such is extremely rare. In fact, they happen only in tinseltown and the golden sreen.

I do not know where she will find the strength to love the one who has let her down time and time again. I do not know where she will find the courage to face the risk of being hurt again. I do not know how she could have ever loved one so weak and foolish. A miracle would not be enough to save me. I used to laugh at these things. Now, i realised how moronic i have been.

But there is hope, though i dare not stare it straight in the face, for i m simply too underserving. There is the hope that somehow, she will forgive me. That somehow, she will learn to love me again. A little hope. I pray i m not deluding myself, as i have so often in the past. But a little hope is better than none. It is with this hope that i will move on. It is with this hope that i will live on. Maybe someday i will love again.

To love her again, as i always had, and always will. I dare to hope. Aristotle said that hope is a waking dream. This is my dream.


-A Little Walk Through Sunnydale

The sharp light bounced off the window sill,
And fell upon my bleary eyes.
A cough, then the walk to the mirror,
I stare at myself in disbelief,
Unkempt, dishevelled, destroyed.

I squinted in the doorway, in the morning light.
The world seems beautiful today,
Clearer than most other days, fresher.
Walked myself down a dirt path,
To wherever it will lead me,
Wherever it will feed me.

Puddles formed by yesterday's rain
Hold yesterday's memories,
Like trapped spirits and mournful nymphs.
Most days I steer around them.
Today I made sure I stepped into everyone,
And got my feet wet.

I approached the crossroads,
Kicked up some more dirt.
Well, obviously I had to choose.
And i did, I cut diagonally,
Into 'em rows and rows of cornfields,
And got myself lost,
All for a good cause.

It was there I realised I need you.