Eveningtimes

It's evening and the Earth spins
slower than usual, when the day ends.
It's when the shadows come out to play,
stumbling 'cross chubby hills and meandering streams.
And I sit in the fields a silent observer,
shaded in grey twilight.

A glint of metal caught my heavy eyes,
a bright distraction, an obvious call.
A call for attention, a silent screech,
pierces my vision,
with warm, orange streaks.

I walk towards the river of earthly ills,
and launched the shining
into her groping paws,
and walk away, appeased.

It's evening and the Earth spins,
slower than usual, when my heart rants
and raves at the fact
that I'm resting here, slothful,
my limbs resigned,
my future designed.

When I finally stand on my feet,
summer is but a foreign dream.
I'm a bewildered tourist on vacation.
When it's time to go home,
I dropped my camera,
and ran into the arms of the waiting trees,
the rustling of their leaves a comforting sound.
The source of their lives found below ground.
I joined them, so I took roots,
With nowhere else to go,
from now on...

Joke #1

I am living my days away from you.
From any bits and bobs that might fuel
A complete resurgence of memories.
They keep grating on my consiousness
And I feel a need
To push them away, keep them at bay.
So I fill my days with worthless nothings.
At least they help to take my mind
Away from what once meant a lot.
But with time I will meltdown, fallout,
As only what's filled to the brim can.
And I'll question with bitterness,
Why I even tried so hard,
To maintain something that was never there.
I believe I am breathing poisoned air,
While I'm called as an heir to the throne of despair.
But I can only be a weak ruler,
Soon overthrown by happier elements.
That is when I'll fade into obscurity,
The only place to live the best days of my life, I think,
In the emptiest of haze,
Formed by the burning of hopes,
The death of heretics at the stake.

disturbing behaviour

like the master, the blog is behaving rather strangely...

New American Classic by Taking Back Sunday

"We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head."
We could live through these letters or forget it all together
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing about

When all that we need is just a reaction
It's too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore
If chasing our dreams is just a distraction
I want to remember but I know that I can't go back

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

Just ask the question come untie the knot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Retrace the steps as if we forgot
Say you won't care Say you won't care
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt
And there's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

It Blew Up On Me...

I realised that everytime I step into the kitchen to create something hauntingly beautiful, the kitchen catches fire. Not too long ago, I tried again. This time, it blew up on me. Naturally I was sent to the hospital for intensive care and accelerated recovery, but then there wasn't much to recover, just empty holes waiting to be filled. I guess I never did learned my lesson that fire is, beyond a doubt, a good servant, submissive, fulfilling your desires. But when it relinquishes its role as a lesser entity and takes on the omnipotent position of a master, it destroys, and mind you, it does so in a magnificent and spectacular fashion.

I am still lying on the bed, burnt... smelling like a cooked piece of lamb

Rights, Lefts And Wrongs...

If I chose to walk the left fork
And left you behind,
Then I'd rather be wrong,
And embark upon the right path.

It is within our rights
To love, I guess.
We left loneliness behind,
And entered a wrongful liaison.

If we once did wronged Fate,
And left each other behind,
Then let us be caught forever,
Torn apart, broken.
Coldness that once seemed right,
The little passion that is left.

I'm utterly confused
Spiralling in circles.
Breaking the cycle.
Please escape me, Lone Ranger.
Thou my wrongful lover,
For far too long.

When I Was Three

I'm thinking that life's a joke,
And that it's a nightmare
Of a three year-old.
I apologise for being silly,
Tossing diamonds into drains.
They reflect the light and hurt my eyes.
But I am already marred,
Scarred by knowledge that cut deep.
And I only want to dream like a three year-old again.
Seeing perfection in all when awake.
Dreaming the way kids do, when I go to bed.
Flying a plane,
Driving a tank,
Clinging on to my mother's hands.
But I'm eighteen,
On the nether side of the moving screen,
Which I struggle to keep up with.
I guess I still plodder about
Like a three year-old.
Lost, confused, inept.

Hail To The Thief

Whoever stole the title of my blog, thanks for returning it. You are such a darling. You have a conscience. It will serve you well, believe me. Anyway, I don't blame you. We all need to go against the establishment sometimes...

My Dream

This time i went too far.I hurt her. I said goodbye. I dug the grave. Now, its me i blame. I realised today how much she means to me. I realised today that she is everything i ever wanted or needed, everything i have waited for. But in moment of ridiculous stupidity, i lost her. Now i blame myself.

It would be nice if there were no regrets or hard feelings. It would be even nicer if all these regrets and negative emotions can be turned into the love we once shared. But then i examine the pages of History, and with a sinking feeling, i discovered that such is extremely rare. In fact, they happen only in tinseltown and the golden sreen.

I do not know where she will find the strength to love the one who has let her down time and time again. I do not know where she will find the courage to face the risk of being hurt again. I do not know how she could have ever loved one so weak and foolish. A miracle would not be enough to save me. I used to laugh at these things. Now, i realised how moronic i have been.

But there is hope, though i dare not stare it straight in the face, for i m simply too underserving. There is the hope that somehow, she will forgive me. That somehow, she will learn to love me again. A little hope. I pray i m not deluding myself, as i have so often in the past. But a little hope is better than none. It is with this hope that i will move on. It is with this hope that i will live on. Maybe someday i will love again.

To love her again, as i always had, and always will. I dare to hope. Aristotle said that hope is a waking dream. This is my dream.


-A Little Walk Through Sunnydale

The sharp light bounced off the window sill,
And fell upon my bleary eyes.
A cough, then the walk to the mirror,
I stare at myself in disbelief,
Unkempt, dishevelled, destroyed.

I squinted in the doorway, in the morning light.
The world seems beautiful today,
Clearer than most other days, fresher.
Walked myself down a dirt path,
To wherever it will lead me,
Wherever it will feed me.

Puddles formed by yesterday's rain
Hold yesterday's memories,
Like trapped spirits and mournful nymphs.
Most days I steer around them.
Today I made sure I stepped into everyone,
And got my feet wet.

I approached the crossroads,
Kicked up some more dirt.
Well, obviously I had to choose.
And i did, I cut diagonally,
Into 'em rows and rows of cornfields,
And got myself lost,
All for a good cause.

It was there I realised I need you.

An Ode To The Failed

today i walked amidst the pouring rain
i was cleansed and made pure again
baptism of fire or baptism of water
makes no difference, no big difference

i might as well have walked through purging flames
i might as well as felt eternal pain
when every droplet holds a precious vision
and every tear a broken memory
for me to recall, for me to stop

i hand it to u, for u are right
i can only blame myself
for i brought it upon me upon myself
i broke the vows and gave up the ghost
like a conjuror in the middle
of a scorching desert, making rain
for it was a rite of necessity
please don't blame me
i needed to drink, to live

if it makes you feel better
i hurt more than you do
once bitten twice shy
and twice bitten thrice i died
along with me my hopes and wishes
lost chances you failed to seize upon
i gave you everything

if it makes you feel better
i truly loved you once upon a rhyme
or rhythm that my heart composed
a song of courtship reserved for you
now it wails and screams in
senseless chorus
and it bleeds where salt is applied
keeping it fresh until you return

i don't dare hope for your love again
for i am an unworthy
but if you ever hear God speak
i hope you remember me
i hope you remember me
and all i stood for
i wont be too far off i guess
just resting on the dark side of the Sun
till you return, until you return

Oh Well...

I am sitting here, typing this sad appeal. Whoever stole the beautiful title of my blog from under my nose please be a sweetheart and return it. I really cannot afford to lose any more things, for most of my already meagre possessions are either gone or wrecked. Every little scrap and morsel of whatever I can call my own count.

Maybe no one stole it. Maybe I just lost it. Wait a minute, I cannot possily lose it, for I never found it. Oh well...

I Will Share A Song

this is a beautiful, haunting atmospheric track u must listen to if u even consider yourself a fan of indie rock (not that many of u are). it's something called "transatlanticism" by Death Cab For Cutie. I am not promoting illegal downloads but it's ok to break the law once in a while. Here goes:



the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up and let it out.

i was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no.

those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
i thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh no.

i need you so much closer (x8)

-instrumental break -

i need you so much closer (x4)
so come on, come on (x4)

Conclusion

At the conclusion, we draw conclusions...

1. People need to be loved when they least deserve it, it's when they need it the most - Swedish proverb

2. If you think a relationship will fail, it will. If you think the sky will fall on your head, it will - Sun Tzu's Art of "How To Get Urself The Sky And Come Back Down Alive.

3. Grief lasts for a moment, but regrets remain stuck up your ass... PAIN PAIN PAIN - Marilyn "Gimme The Pain" Manson

4. Rob a bank, u will feely a lot better - Alcatraz

5. Sniff your own poop - Satchel, from "Get Fuzzy"

6. Fail your 'A' levels, then proclaim that 'A' stands for 'adverse', where u at right now.

7. Get yourself a Dashboard Confessional album and grieve along with Chris Carraba. He DA man.

8. Empty ur tissue paper box, then tell mum that u had a really bad cold when the fact is that you stuffed half the box down the throat of ur neighbour's dog when in fact u have been hydrating ur face like a bloody loser the entire night.

21 days

3 weeks or 3 lifetimes
Won't make a difference.
True love destroys fleeting moments,
Conquers eternity.
But fear of abject disappointment,
Has driven me to this world below.
Cast far from your angelic being,
I scream and struggle in pain.
I am caught, drenched in soaking rain.
Coolness, with time, turns to cold.
Mouldy bread gone stale and old.
It's discarded, dies a lonely death.
I'm running, out of time, out of breath.
I miss you.

"Love me when i least deserve it,for it's when i really need it"
-Swedish proverb

Scoop...

today i went to the point of no return and come back alive.